Episode 32: Gearing Up

“Captain, you get out of that room this instant!

Clerk knew he wasn’t going to win this battle. Janet Rind had 20 years of yeoman experience, and she wasn’t going to back down now. She had dealt with far more obstinate captains than him to give up this easily. None of his excuses worked: “I’m doing a crossword puzzle”, “Lt. Ethel says I need more ‘quiet time'”, “Oh, come on, they’re not gonna be here for another three hours”, nothing. He was defeated, and he knew it.

He finally emerged from his room in a slightly higher state of dishevelment than normal, but Rind was unfazed.

“I hope you’re not looking for sympathy, Captain, because I’m fresh out,” she said in her time-tested deadpan.

“Well, pity, really,” he replied, in a futile attempt at a comeback. “But whatever, let’s get it started.”

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The engine room was abuzz with activity as they prepared for the Citation‘s arrival. Reely O. Riley did his best to coordinate the effort, but felt like cat-herding would have been more productive. It didn’t help that this was the normally-scheduled time for the Engineering computer system’s virus scan, the ship was way overdue for an oil change, and the on-duty staff consisted of a Gorn, a Klingon, and six or seven redshirts.

Clerk and Rind stepped off the elevator and surveyed the scene.

Not as bad as I imagined, really.

“Captain!” Riley yelled as soon as he saw him. “Glad you’re here. We’re just about ready for the jump off!”

This is “just about ready”?

“Cecil’s been working his tail off prepping the battery attachments, Ka’ppaa’ck has been minding the virus scan and software calibration–”

“Ka’ppaa’ck?” Clerk asked.

“Yeah, the new guy we–”

“I know who he is… I just thought he was only here for that one meeting.”

“Well, he came down here and started actually working on stuff, and he’s been a real help to us, so we figured we’d keep him,” the Chief Assistant Engineer said, gesturing toward the server room. “It’s a good thing too. He’s been the first guy down here to know how to do maintenance and upgrades on the computers.”

“Riley, that’s what the IT Department’s for.”

“Yeah, but they’re afraid of us. Even before we had a Gorn heading the department, they declared Engineering a Demaintainized Zone. Ka’ppaa’ck here has actually even opened lines of dialogue with them. Our first summit meeting is next month.”

“I’m impressed. Looks like he’s a keeper.” Can’t have too many Klingons around anyways.

SSSSSIR! GLAD YOU’RE HERE!”

“What’s going on, Cecil?”

The Gorn engineer was a little out of breath, but otherwise his usual hyperactive self. “WE’VE JUSSSSST ABOUT GOT EVERYTHING SSSSSET UP, BUT THERE’SSSSS ONE THING THAT’SSSSS HOLDING USSSSS BACK!

“What’s that?”

WE NEED SSSSSOMEBODY TO PUT ON A SSSSSPACSSSSSESSSSSUIT AND GO OUTSSSSSIDE TO DO THE ACTUAL CONNECTION! WE CAN’T DO THAT FROM INSSSSSIDE THE SSSSSHIP! AND NOBODY HERE HASSSSS ANY EXPERIENCSSSSSE WITH SSSSSPACSSSSSEWALKING!

Not much of a demand for it these days. What a shame. “And I don’t suppose you can? I mean, I hate to ask you, especially because of–”

OH THAT’SSSSS NOT A PROBLEM SSSSSIR! IT’SSSSS JUSSSSST THAT THISSSSS ISSSSS SSSSSOMETHING THAT WASSSSSN’T COVERED IN ANY OF THE SSSSSERVICSSSSSE MANUALSSSSS! IT’SSSSS BEEN HARD FINDING SSSSSOME INFORMATION ON IT!

Just then, the Head of Maintenance walked in. Clerk did his usual recoil.

“Hay there, Cap’m!”

“Hello, Jenkins. What are you doing here?”

“Aw, I was jest makin’ the rounds with the cleanup crew. What’re y’all up to?”

WE NEED SSSSSOMEBODY TO GO OUTSSSSSIDE IN A SSSSSUIT AND ASSSSSISSSSST WITH THE JUMP OFF! BUT NOBODY HERE KNOWSSSSS ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

Jenkins’ face lit up. “Aw, well I used to do that all the time back when I served on the Hoodie. We had to jump that thing off ’bout ever other week.”

All these years, and we’ve finally found a use for Jenkins. “So, are you up for it?”

“Sure thing, Cap’m! I still got my own personal suit and everthing! Lemme go ‘n get it real quick!”

In an instant, Jenkins was gone.

“Well, problem solved there,” the Captain said. “Clerk to Bridge.”

“Bridge here.”

“Any word on the Citation?”

“The charges have been dr– oh, you mean the ship,” Tolstoy said nervously. “Yes, they just called us. They’re 15 minutes away.”

“Good. We’re almost ready for them. Jenkins is suiting up for spacewalking. Gimme a buzz when they’re here. Clerk out.”

“You know you have to let him back in,” Rind gently reminded the Captain.

Sigh. “I know, I know…”