Category: Season 5

Episode 70: Fallout and About

It was late in the evening when Captain Clerk’s pattern coalesced on the transporter platform. He had been a bit nervous about returning to the ship because he and Kathy Safeway had decided to keep the whole engagement thing on the down-low for the time being. However, upon his arrival, he saw that the transporter operator currently on duty was his least favorite artificial lifeform: the perennially-rusting robot CUL8R.

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Episode 69: From Jimi to Kathy

The suites available at Deep Dish $9 were predictably not up to Admiral Kathy Safeway’s peculiar standards, so she had opted for renting a room at one of Bajor’s four-star hotels. Captain Clerk groused a little at having to make the extra trek down to the planet, but, picking his battles, had decided not to make too big a deal of it.

The trip, in his mind, was not only needlessly long but needlessly silent, since Safeway didn't want to get into whatever this urgent business of hers was until they were at their destination. To make matters worse, they got lost — twice — and then, upon arriving at the hotel, Kathy realized she'd locked her key in the room, causing them to have to wait for the hotel manager to show up.

What Clerk hadn't anticipated was that this was going to be the easy part.

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The elevator doors had scarcely opened when the Secondprize suddenly lurched forward, preventing Captain Clerk from setting his foot down on the floor of the Bridge as he intended. Brow furrowed, he picked himself off the floor, wondering what the top speed for which the inertial dampeners were rated was.

Lt. Eric's exasperated sigh could be heard all the way back in the elevator.

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It was the carpeting that bothered him.

Of all the things that rascally refit team did to Main Engineering, it was laying down carpet everywhere that really got under Captain Clerk's skin the most. Why they would do such a thing was simply beyond his ken. He tried to protest, but all of his questions concerning static electricity buildup or oil leaks were summarily buried under heaps of technobabblic rubble. After a while, Clerk gave up his futile effort, consoling himself with the knowledge that a sweet new pool table was being installed down there as well.

After the carpet was in place, however, the Captain finally conceded that at least it looked nice.

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Captain's Blog, Stardate. I have never regretted staying up so late playing the Starship Captain Simulator game until now. My eyes are staging a mutiny as I record this. We are currently on our way to starbase Deep Dish $9, traveling at Warp Factor 8. I have been repeatedly assured that that is the fastest safe speed we could possibly go. However, at that rate, it will take at least five days to get there, in spite of Admiral Safeway’s insistence that we arrive by tomorrow evening. I have had to resort to renaming the admiral’s office as "Do Not Answer" in my contacts list.

"Helm," Clerk asked, partly out of frustration but mostly out of sheer boredom, "Is there any way we can get a little more speed? I'm in no hurry to spend time at Deep Dish $9, don't get me wrong, but Admiral Safeway keeps calling me every hour and a half saying he’s got a truckload of demerits with my name on them."

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